I believe life makes us into the people we are today. Whether it was the way we were raised, the experiences we’ve had, beliefs we subscribe to, and even the patterns we live out, it all makes us into who we are and where we find ourselves. Some of what we are is also a result of things that were always beyond our control, however, if we are to truly transform from all these experiences and become more and live more aligned, we have to take full responsibility for all of it, every aspect of ourself and our life. As if all of who we are is on us alone to heal, to fix, to change, to evolve, to accept …because it is. And that’s the truth.
As you take full responsibility for all the different aspects of yourself, your life and where you are, you begin to break walls and barriers within yourself, only to one day look back and realize: it was always all on you to do this for yourself, all along. The longer you took to accept that truth, the longer you put off your own happiness, your own fulfillment and your own sense of peace. Because as it turns out, no one else could have ever done this work for you or walked you through it —as much as you may have liked someone to at the beginning. This was only ever your journey to travel alone, and became a gift you gave yourself as a result.
As a collective, what I’ve noticed is: every fairytale with a white knight, every “healer” out there, the spiritual community at large, many therapists and even life coaches too, they all seem to offer ways that they, themselves can “fix” or “heal” you, or they even guarantee a way for you to have xyz. Truly though, that’s confusing to me. Because point blank: no one else can heal you. No one else can make life happen for you. No one can take responsibility for the emotional experience you are having within yourself. If you are putting any of that, or any of your hopes and dreams in anyone else’s hands, you are handing over way too much of your power to another. It is only ever on you to do the things it takes to become. The absolute most anyone else can ever offer you in the role of “life coach” or “healer” is a behind the scenes look at their journey, and what they’ve learned, including insight they have found on their own, awarenesses they now have, and how they did whatever it is that they did. What mountains did they move? What shadows did they face? How did they change? How did they overcome? What mindset helped them get beyond their struggles? What Hell did they go to within themselves and how did they get out? What is their mental state now? How grounded in reality are they? How did they shift or fix things? How did they heal? How did they let go and move on? What’s their secret?
That stuff right there is absolute gold. It’s priceless. It’s a map. It’s the key to the treasure chest. There are secrets that they hold, that you can only find through experiencing what they have had to face, and what they’ve had to go through and overcome. You aren’t going to find those secrets in someone who has never truly faced themselves. And the truth is, the people that have faced themselves no longer have anything to prove to anyone because they alone know what they did. And so, it’s less likely they will talk about what they actually did, and even if they do talk about what they did, they might not share what it was actually like daily to go and face those obstacles head on or how it felt to sit through that pain, or even what tools they learned and what tools they ended up with in their now very eclectic tool box.
One way to gage how much someone has healed comes from looking at something that might be hard to spot initially, but will become wildly fascinating to watch play out, once you get to know them better. A person who has been through the wringer and has overcome, has some distinguishing characteristics, which will make them seem somewhat unusual and hard to define, at first or at all. And that’s because people who have truly healed a lot will be full of contradictions. For example, maybe they come across as shy and quiet, yet, the next moment you notice they are a complete social butterfly at that event. It’s almost as if they can swing from one extreme to another extreme within moments. Another unique paring example is, they could be extremely sensitive and especially empathetic but, also, you notice they have thick skin, and it seems as though they brush everything off to the point where they may even be callused to certain things. Another example is that they might be sweet and kind and caring, and yet, you’ve witnessed them be assertive and lay their boundaries out like a boss —without showing any hesitation.
Contradictions within a person happen as a result of breaking barriers within. In order to bust through deeper layers of yourself and the barriers that surround those layers, whether it’s trauma you are working through or old or unhealthy ways of coping, to blow through those blocks you are required to master both sides: for example, the soft, loving and nurturing part of yourself, and the less feeling, more logical and truthful aspect, too. The more contradictory a person is: the more they’ve faced and mastered within, the more incredible their tool box, the more mysterious they seem, and the more truly unforgettable they are. Even their mere presence becomes a contradiction within itself, since, despite knowing them so well, it may feel as though there is always something else to learn, always something else you don’t fully see about them. Almost as though there is forever a surprise in store. The more they’ve mastered, the more their self-mastery becomes a mirror for you, probing you to go further within yourself, to see more and become more, too.
To get access to that kind of person, with that kind of toolbox? It’s an absolute game changer. There is nothing more powerful in the Universe than someone who is unafraid to see themselves fully, someone who is unwavering in taking full ownership of each and every aspect of themselves and their life. To be a busy bee? That’s not impressive. To look like what “success” looks like in this world? That alone is empty. The truth is, yes, you can be busy checking off every box in life, and you can find success and what it is supposed to look like on the outside —using that ol’ tried and true method of hustle and grind, but getting there that way —the way the world teaches us to, often means sacrificing yourself. Why? Because you can’t listen to yourself or honor yourself if you move through life in way where sacrificing your happiness and peace is the key requirement for you to get from point A to point B. And if your life requires that road in order to succeed? Then one day, despite everything you’ve accomplished on the outside, on the inside you’ll always feel like something is missing because it is. And yet, in life you actually can have your cake and eat it too… There is a way: to truly have your happiness, your peace, to be in your power, and live a balanced life means taking full responsibility and full ownership of all aspects of the person you are, and the person you are becoming. That is how I define success, and how I believe success in the material world becomes inevitable. It’s the hard way, but it is the aligned way.
Learning to live that way is a practice. It is something that can be taught. It might mean letting go of doing life like you might be doing life right now. And while the journey to that place supplies you with the tools you need, those tools can also be shared with you, when you surround yourself with people who are just like you, who want to take full responsibility or are doing it already. People who share the same truths, and have the same kind of values and drive. While no one can make something happen for you, you can become more like the people that make life happen for themselves, from a healthy, balanced and soul-aligned, self-honoring place. Taking full responsibility is a challenging spot to start, however, the rewards are endless and so are the opportunities that come with it.
If what I’ve described resonates because it is already who you are or who you want to be and what you believe/how you want to show up in this world, then you are likely a match for what I’m offering as a life coach. Feel free to reach out, and we can talk further about my group life coaching program, and all it entails.